Aunt Khadija was furious. "Could anything apart from a condom block the path of the sperm? Didn’t I warn you a thousand times about ignorant girls?" she exclaimed. It did not matter to Khadija that her daughter was engaged to the young man. She talked about unplanned pregnancy and disease and Samira's reputation, which would suffer if the relationship ended before marriage.

Aicha kept her eyes closed but could not keep her ears from hearing words that disturbed and embarrassed her and sounded immoral. Then, several years later, sitting under an apple tree and kissing a boy she adored, she froze. She needed to know the facts her cousin had been told.

Wishing she had a mother like Samira’s mother, Aicha spoke with her aunt: "I need to be told all the things you told her eight years ago. I love Saeed and he loves me, but I am afraid of what will happen to us. Everything is so complicated these days, and there are so many horrible diseases. I can’t talk to my parents about these things."

Preparing Young People for a New World

Concerned adults–often an aunt, older cousin or trusted teacher–can be among the most important sources of information and guidance for adolescents. Most adolescents are more interested in questions about relationships than purely sexual matters, and a trusted adult can be the best confidant. But for many the family structure has broken down and there is no one to replace the guidance of older family members.

Monica, a 16-year-old from Peru, explains how being young feels to her: "Very often, on reaching adolescence, people feel confused, weighed down, full of questions and doubts."

Monica believes that, ideally, young people should be able to turn to their parents. Instead, they often turn to ill-informed friends who only add to the confusion. While adults around them are busy being angry, adolescents are afraid. Fear of censure, shame, embarrassment and guilt makes any problems worse.

Parents are often uneasy discussing sex, reproduction and related health concerns. It may seem safer to look towards an idealized past than to see young people as sexual beings. Or it may seem that the right thing to do is what has always been done. But the time has never existed when pregnancy occurred only in marriage, all pregnancy was wanted, and fidelity was protection from sexually transmitted disease.

Meanwhile, these not-quite adults are facing adult decisions under circumstances that often differ dramatically from the past. Collectively, these decisions impact the future for individuals, families, communities and countries of the world. Whether adults agree or disagree with changes in modern society, young people suffer if adults do not meet their practical needs.

Responsibility to Empower Young People

More adults need to act on their responsibility to young people, says Dr. Sadik of UNFPA: "The responsibility of the leaders, of the older people to the youth, should be stressed. We are always hearing of parents’ rights, without emphasis on youth rights. It is time that political leaders, the older generation and others lived up to their responsibilities to the youth."

Empowering girls and boys to take more active roles in school, at home and in society can be a challenge for adults. Parents and teachers may resist or feel hesitant. Yet parents, by recognizing children as active participants in their own lives, are helping prepare them to become responsible participants in society. It may be said that parents hold rights "on behalf of " children, rather than "over" their children. They are best placed to empower adolescents so they may enjoy their rights, especially to the information, education and services that will enable them to attain the highest standards in their own health, family life and future.

Most young people want the support of their parents. They watch and imitate the behaviour of adults close to them, share the same values, and gain self-esteem through feeling loved and respected. Adults who create a safe environment for children to ask questions and to seek knowledge and skills for succeeding in life are giving a valuable gift to the next generation.

Overcoming Obstacles to Dialogue

If adolescents need information, adults need the skills to convey it. At the World Youth Forum in Braga, Portugal, young people from 150 countries recommended that training be provided on support skills for parents, teachers, religious and traditional leaders and caregivers. Pointers on how to encourage adolescents to discuss their concerns would be useful to many adults.

Elmira, a 17-year-old from Kazakhstan, warns against a forceful approach:. "Heavy-handedness, ‘brainwashing’ and moralizing will not stop young people from engaging in sexual activity."

We want adults to demystify sex, young people say, and parents need to start early.

Nineteen-year-old Moshera from Egypt advises: "They must realize that the best way to educate their children in the future is from the very beginning. Young people must be given the facts, particularly with regard to reproductive health."

Nadia, 15, from the Republic of Moldova, agrees. "The parents should prepare the child for his or her sexual life.... The discussions should be serious so that the child would understand that he will take the decision when and how to begin his sexual life and that this decision can change his life. But we have to admit there are many parents who are not prepared for this," she concludes.

By participating in their children’s sex education, parents are more likely to see the value of health services some now oppose. Protecting adolescents when they become sexually active requires adults to provide sexuality education classes and health services to prevent pregnancies and STDs. In some cases, discussions with teachers and religious leaders can help parents find an appropriate approach. The objective is to provide information ahead of the developmental stage of the young people so they will know about the changes before they occur. This is especially important if parents want young people to abstain from or to delay sexual activity.

Overcoming obstacles requires a sustained commitment says Dr. Sadik: "Adolescent reproductive health has been, and continues to be, one of the most contentious and difficult areas in which to work, because of the sensitivities surrounding adolescent sexuality." The biggest obstacle facing adolescents in exercising their right to reproductive health may in fact lie not in resources or delivery systems, nor infrastructures, but in the minds of other people.